How to Meet Someone…Over the Holidays

The holidays may feel like a crazy time of year with too much to do and too little time but they can be a huge opportunity for singles.  If you’re in the dating mood and want to meet someone…this is the perfect season.

Lots of people never come out of their office all year long…except for a Christmas party or two.  This is your moment to meet each other!  Right after Halloween, the parties and events start up.  If you truly, deeply, madly want to meet someone…I don’t care how shy you are…you have to go to everything you are even remotely invited to.

Here’s the problem with most folks: they are unable to make small talk.  For some singles, this is their idea of the worst form of torture.  But if you want to be a dating single, you have to learn how to reach out and shake hands, talk, smile, and make an effort to ask questions and be friendly.

If you would like to be successful at dating, seize the chance to meet new people with these five tips that will make your holiday socializing a lot easier:

1. Develop a new attitude around the fear of rejection.

Most singles do NOT want to reach out to people because they fear rejection.  If you could shift that notion of rejection to one of seeing yourself as a brave risk taker, the whole idea of being friendly would take on another dimension.  Before you go out, try this: visualize how relaxed and happy you’re going to be.  When you approach someone to talk, if they’re not friendly, say, “Nice meeting you,” and drift away.  Forget about their rudeness or shyness or whatever their problem is.  There are other people for you to meet and you don’t want to focus your energy on what didn’t just happen… but rather, on what may soon happen.  Armed with this attitude, every night is a wonderful night.

1. Think through how you want to identify yourself.

Every good marketing person knows that you must have a “brand” to be remembered.  Before you go out, seriously think about what makes you stand out from everyone else?  This identification is important whether you are meeting people for the first time or you are dating on the Internet.  I have coached countless people who could not initially grasp this concept.  When I asked them to identify themselves, each one would use broad terms, not understanding that there was nothing distinctive about what they were saying.

Example: Imagine you are at a convention and you meet someone and say, “My name is Bob Smith, I’m from Kansas, and I’m an engineer.”  If you are at a function where there are more than a handful of people, unless you are outstandingly good-looking or famously rich or have a high squeaky voice, you will probably not be remembered.  However, if you said something like, “I’m Bob Smith, I’m an engineer from Kansas, and I know I sound terribly ordinary, but in order to impress you, I will mention that I was an important elf in the Christmas parade in my hometown when I was seven years old.”

1. Find friendly people to talk to.

Talk to the first friendly person you meet.  This is your warm up exercise. Sometimes, you need a little preparation before you look for other singles that might be dating material.  Find someone who looks more like a Mary Poppins rather than Dracula.  If it seems appropriate, ask them if they know any of the people there and let them introduce you to others.  Often, the best way to meet someone is through the help of a friendly person.

1. Limit the alcohol intake to one drink.

Social situations can make you tense and unless you are aware of being nervous, you might be tempted to overindulge in alcohol.  Eat something before you go out and keep the drinking below one drink so you are not in danger of making inappropriate comments or embarrassing yourself in other ways.

1. The word S.P.A.C.E. stands for the steps you want to take.

Don’t just stand around waiting for someone to approach you.

S is for scan the room to see if there is someone you would like to meet.  If you make eye contact, smile to let them know you are interested in talking to them.

P is for positioning yourself.  Move to where the interesting person is.  Taking this step is taking responsibility for meeting potential dates.

A stands for asking a question.  If you want to be successful and find people to date, you have got to talk.

C is for compliments.  If you like the person you are talking to, find something to compliment them about.  You do not have to be insincere—you need to be observant.

E is for the exchange of contact information.  Give them a number or an email address where they can reach you and ask for theirs.  If you really liked this person…don’t leave without doing this!

The holidays are here, so now’s the time to lose the old tapes that say you can’t find someone to date.  What you need to do is accept every invitation, or get yourself invited, or tag along with friends or coworkers, and get out often to practice the above.  You can do it!  And you deserve a great holiday season.

Tonja Evetts Weimer, author of Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends, is a Single’s Relationship Coach, Life Coach, and syndicated columnist.  Visit www.tonjaweimer.com for more information.

Editor Note: If you’re wearing your SHI Symbol at the many holiday parties you’ll certainly enhance your chances of meeting your match. What are you waiting for!