Is There A (Dating) Life – After Divorce?

Sep 02, 2010 47 Comments by

SHI Symbol International and this Dating Symbol Blogsite welcome on

Tonja Evetts Weimer - Relationship and Dating Coach on Dating Symbol Blog

Tonja Evetts Weimer - Relationship & Dating Coach columnist for Dating Symbol's Blog

board Tonja Evetts Weimer - an acclaimed newspaper columnist, speaker and author of the new book, Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends. Tonja is a relationship coach and dating expert. Her Savvy Dating column runs in newspapers across America and Canada. Tonja will be a regular dating and relationship feature writer on this Blogsite so we welcome YOUR thoughts and input. If there are any topics you’d like to see Tonja cover, please let us know.

So, guys and girls if you’re once again Single, please enjoy Tonja’s first Column on “Is there a (Dating) Life – After Divorce?

Are you past a “certain age”?  Do you think you hear the whispers of others—or, maybe in your own mind—that suggest certain parts of your life are definitely over?  Like—dating?

These thoughts are disconcerting when you are coming out of a breakup or a divorce.  It may feel like you’ve wasted years with the wrong person and that some of life’s doors have been slammed shut behind you forever.  Most of all, you may feel the opportunities for success, fun, passion, love, and adventure have slipped from your grasp.

Dating after Divorce - Dating Symbol Blog - www.datingsymbol.comWhen these bouts of hopelessness start to sink your spirits, you must remember this:  you can re-invent yourself!  The ability to transform your life is not only possible— it’s necessary for your ability to bounce back.

Crisis moments happen to everyone.  You may lose your job, your true love, your home, or your money.  Something will happen in your lifetime that will require you to stretch and grow yourself.  Because if you don’t, you will stay stuck in bitterness, despair, and anger.

What does it take to start over in a new life and find your way into the dating world?  Consider the three C’s:

1 Creativity

This quality is at the very heart of reinvention.  Creativity is the survivor gene of the planet.  If something doesn’t work a certain way, try it another way… and another… until you’ve discovered the answer and the solution for you.  One thing is for sure: if you wait for something to return to “normal” when it is so clearly not ever going to be the way it used to be, you will not experience the joy of finding the answers to your new challenges.

Relationship breakups can be the most trying and emotional times in our lives.  This is the moment to dig deep, take a look at who you want to be and how you want to get there, and get started on the new you.  Discover your creativity that will provide the sparks for fresh ideas and pathways.  Creativity is also about becoming clever with what you have and know—finding different or new ways to travel down old roads; using familiar resources and tools to discover new opportunities.

2 Communication

How do you reinvent yourself?  You wake up everyday and you network your way to what you want.  Prepare your “elevator speech”—which says who you are and what you’re looking for.  Learn to say it in the amount of time it would take to go from one floor to another in an elevator. You can’t get what you want in life unless you ask for it.  Whatever resides in your picture of reinvention, you have to put in other people’s minds.  This is how you bring it into reality.  And before you communicate to others, do an internal check of your attitude.  For instance, are you feeling a little sorry for yourself? Drop that baggage by the door or in the trashcan.  You have opportunities beyond millions of other suffering souls.  Embrace that idea.  Or, are you feeling a little “better than” the situation you left or currently are in?  No one is any better than anyone else.  Get your ego in check.  Feeling better than other people is simply the other side of feeling like you are not good enough.  Build on your accomplishments and your confidence and both of these limiting thoughts will dissipate.

3 Courage

And finally, we come to the essence of what helps everyone in their own reinvention.  It takes personal courage to cast away from what used to be and have the guts to move into the “I don’t know” zone.

It can seem easy to stay where you are: unhappy, not living your gifts and your dreams, and simply accepting the world you have that’s familiar.  You might not like it—but you know the territory.  Stepping into the unknown can be scary.

But when you are armed with courage, you are able to do an honest assessment of where you want to be, how you long to be, and what it takes to get there. Courage is your ability to forge ahead with determination.  Knowing there are no sure bets, your first attempts might not work, but you keep working on reinventing your life anyway.  Why?  Because it’s the RIGHT thing to do…for you!

Is there a dating life after divorce?  Absolutely!  As you take the steps to reinvent yourself through creativity, communication, and courage, you’ll find opportunities in every aspect of living—and especially in meeting new people.


Relationship expert Tonja Evetts Weimer is an acclaimed newspaper columnist, speaker and author of the new book, Thriving After Divorce: Transforming your life when a relationship ends. This inspiring book gives people clear action steps to move toward hope and healing when a significant relationship ends. Tonja worked as an educator, award-winning children’s author, singer, performer and consultant before a vocal condition ended her singing career. She reinvented herself as a relationship coach and dating expert. Her Savvy Dating column runs in newspapers across America and Canada. In Thriving After Divorce she helps others overcome challenges through hope, action, creativity and self-empowerment. Visit her public Web site at Contact Tonja at

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